Feb.24.2016
Writing is a very hard work for me because I always want to finish my products perfectly. So every time I finish my essay, whatever it is first draft or second draft or final draft, I would read my essay first then I would figure out which part still should revise. Now I came to the second draft of my essay. I revised my outline, and make each paragraph connect with each others in order to make my essay better. Then I had no idea about how to revise my essay so I gave my essay to my friends and teachers. Everyone had different opinion so they must give me many useful advise for my essay. For teachers, they read many students' essays, so they could clearly figure out my writing style and also give me so useful grammar content. And my next step is not only that revise my body paragraphs, but also I would add some analysis to make the open and end sentences have more connections.
In my revision, I deleted my summary sentences in the paragraph that talks about Me and You, I began to find out that I did not need so many summary to support my idea. I could just use several sentences to talk about the story, then I could use quotations and my own analysis to make my paragraphs become stronger. The result of this change is that I felt my first body paragraph that makes readers easier to read, they can directly understand what do I want to say this paragraph.
I should still work on my body paragraphs first because I need to defense many summary in them in order to make my paragraphs refined but also have the attraction for readers to read. But my end paragraph I need to spend some time on it in order to make some connections with my title and my thesis statement. What power does love have. How would it connect with Lorenzo and Harry, these two questions I need to spend a lot of time on it.
My strength is my outline, I create an unique outline that is different with others. It does not only talk about Lorenzo and Harry's change, but also it talks about how do they change and why do they change. So these two elements would make my essay become more attractive for the readers.
My shortage is the balance between summary and analysis, when I wrote my essay, sometime I would be confused about what is summary and what is analysis, after I went to writing center. With Ms.Swift's help I deleted many redundant summary and added more quotations and analysis in my essay, but I still needed to find the balance between summary and analysis then I would make my every body paragraph become stronger and better.
The difficulty must be the paragraph of Harry, I did not only need to summary it, but also I had to catch some sentences from the film to show Harry's personality and change. And also the quotations are also hard for me. The easy part in this essay must be the Lorenzo's paragraph, because we talked a lot in class time so when I wrote the paragraph about Lorenzo's change, I have already decided what would I say and which part I need to use quotations to support.
The Grammar I improved a lot in this essay, before I went to writing center, my body paragraph and my open thesis statement I used past tense to write, after I went to writing center, I changed my tense to present tense because Ms.Swoft taught me that the essays almost write in present tense and she helped me to change many wrong grammar and punctuation in my story. She explained for me that when the sentence should stop, and when should use comma to add some information for this sentence. I am very thankful for Ms.Swift helping me to revise my essay,
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